Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Flying High Above the Sadness and the Fear....

There never seemed to be "an end in sight" as some are calling it...until today.  With what started last March seemed like a never ending journey that just got harder and harder as the days progressed.  There's the medical factor, which is what is on the surface and what has been the most exhausting element of this stressful period of our lives.  For the patient, I know it's the hardest.  It takes a toll on your body, your mind and your emotions.  It makes it difficult to fight through anything when all you are doing is jumping from one doctor's appointment to another and from one procedure to another and from one major surgery to another.  It takes a strong willed person to survive all of that and I don't know if I could ever do it. 

For me, it's the worrying in waiting rooms, waiting on lab and pathology results, care giving, driving places I would have never done alone before, making life altering decisions, getting no sleep and most of all...watching my husband go through it all.   

Today, we got some great news that hopefully marks the beginning of the end of this time in our lives.  It seems like we've been on the "waiting" end of so many pathology reports and this is the first one to give us fantastic news!  No malignancy is music to our ears!! 

With the medical part well on it's way to calming down, there's so much more that I hope to be looking back on one day.  When we are cleared to go home by the doctors, I will be so happy, but at the same time, scared.  The things I must face have been here all along, but I know now, it's getting closer to me facing them head a train coming right at me.  So, while the illness we have had to deal with was awful and interrupted our lives immensely, it allowed me to take things day by day....and now I have to be ready to decide for my future. 


  1. Please know I'm with you. I don't want to be here though, imposing on your thoughts from the front row. I'll just be around the corner, in the hall, quietly, ready in case you fall.

  2. You are so strong and Amber, such a wonderful caring person! I can't imagine going through what you and D have gone through! Please know that you both are in our thoughts and prayers daily and can't wait till you are home again! We love you!

    1. Thank you Robin. I can't wait too see you all again and especiall that beautiful baby girl!! Love you lots!