Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Waited for you, but you never came around at all....

It's been almost 3 months that David has been #1 on the AB list for his transplant and that we have been relocated....and still no call!!  It's actually sad when you think about the fact that we are basically waiting for someone to die, so David can live, but that is exactly the case.  We have been through the nervousness of imposing on his Aunt and Uncle, in their home for an unknown length of time.... and through the "making the best of our situation" phase, where we have explored (frugally) different parts of Marin County and San Francisco....to the place where are now, which is impatient and more than ready for the damn call!  His Aunt and Uncle have been so gracious and more than hospitable.  We eat great, have fun playing a lot of tennis (when David feels up to it) and have the best tour guides San Francisco can offer us!  They have been absolutely wonderful....but I think they are more than ready for the call, too.  After all, the real tough part is going to be while he's in the hospital, and the month recovery time at their house.....and then the rest of his life.  It's like we are waiting for things to get harder and tougher. 

To quote one of the transplant social workers...."You have a long road ahead, so you should stop worrying about the little things in your life and get ready to face big obstacles to come."  Thanks...thanks a lot...that makes us feel great.  Bitch.   I cried 3 times in the transplant class that we had to attend.  David and I were in a room full of 60 + year olds who all looked very sick.  It was sad...and scary.  David still looks healthy and he is on the cancer side of liver disease, as opposed to the "alcoholic" side, so everyone there thought we were just there to learn for someone else...when in reality, the healthy looking 32 year old sitting amongst them is waiting for that life-altering phone call, just like them.  The reality and life-changing events that will go on are enough to depress anyone, but when the social worker said those words to us...I just broke down.  What an insensitive woman.  I mean I understand a doctor having that kind of bluntness and attitude...but she's a social worker!!   Luckily, she isn't David's social worker.  She's one of several that they have, but David's is nicer and more understanding to everything.  I felt like this other, rude one was just treating us like a statistic.  Maybe she should re-think her field of work!  David has already been through 2 major liver resections in his life, so we are somewhat prepared for the surgery side of things, but the danger and risk that is involved is something that I can't let myself think about.  And, thereafter, he will be on anti-rejection drugs (as any transplanted person has to be) for the rest of his life.  It's just hard to face that....and I'm sure so much harder for him.  This illness has really affected him and I hope that after all is said and done...he, well we, come out of this better than ever.  It's hard to be positive...but we can still hope.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

She carved out a little life of her own....

My great friend, Sarah, and her wonderful husband, Paul, just welcomed their first child to the world on May 14th!  He is so adorable and I can't wait to meet him in real life.  Little Axxel Herbert is extremely blessed to have those two as his parents.  People come along in your life, every once in a while, that just leave such an impression in your heart...and that's Sarah and Paul. 

Sarah has been such an incredible friend to me.  I've never known anyone like her.  She is so real and has the biggest heart.  She hasn't had it easy all her life and still has to work at relationships that most of us have effortlessly. It breaks my heart to think of it.  It saddens me to see her get burned by people that should love her unconditionally. There's a song that reminds me so much of Sarah...It's called "Sweet Lorraine" by Patty Griffin.  So, I will just say...."it gets harder and harder to believe in magic...when what came before you is, so very tragic"......but somehow Sarah Lu still believes...and does it with such grace.

With that said...and on the brighter side of things, I'm so glad that her and Paul found each other.  He's her family...him and Axxel.  They are two lucky guys to have been blessed with such a wonderful wife and mother.  I've also had the priveledge of getting to know Paul's two little sisters....and they are absolute delights!  I love that they love Sarah so much, too.  What a wonderful family. : )

I'm just happy for Sarah and Paul and their new baby boy, Axxel.  I've seen a few pictures, and he's absolutely precious!  I'm looking forward to the day I get to visit him.   I can't even say where I'd be after this past year, without Sarah in my life....she's the very definition of best friend.

Sarah and I...all smiles!

Here we are again.... : )

Sarah with her wonderful mother in law, Julie and two sisters in law, Alex and Crystal. :)

Monday, May 14, 2012

Missing Mother's Day...

So...as you know, yesterday was Mother's Day.  I was around no mothers.  :(  The worst part of the day was not being around MY mother.  A normal Mother's Day in our family, is a BBQ at my parent's house with all my siblings and Grandpa and Sally (Grandpa's lady....who I love love love!) and my in-laws.  We make lots of food and spoil my mom with all kinds of fun stuff she doesn't need, but loves to have!  It's so much fun.  Instead, this Mother's Day was kind of gloomy.  David and I are still in California and my sister, Ginger was sick, my brother Robby was sick and going out of town and my sister Bri was sick.  Yuck!  I am glad that Bri was able to be home with my mom though.  My dad was also there and they ended up having a small get together with my Grandpa, Sally and in-laws, Sonna and Bob.  So, David and I were happy that our Mothers got to spend their day together.  It made us feel closer to them somehow.

I always feel mixed emotions on Mother's Day.  On one hand, I am so full of love for having the BEST MOM IN THE WORLD!!  On top of that...my little sister is now a mom and I can't be happier about that!!  The fact that I'm not a mom is a little depressing to me.  I want so badly to be a mom.  I know I'd be a great mom, because of how great my mom is and I just love my little nephew so much, so I know I'd be great with kids.  My husband was once told by someone that Mother's Day is more than just a celebration of Mothers.  It's kind of like a day reserved for the special, most important women in your life.  Your wife and your mom.  He surprised me and got me a lovely card.  I loved that.  It was very sweet.  Maybe one day I will get one from my son or daughter, too.

This is my pretty Momma!!!
My little sis, Ginger and her son Brayden when he was a few months old.
 (We call him Brady...and he's almost 18 months now!)