Wednesday, July 25, 2012

August and Everything After....

It's about 1am, I'm wide awake and have to be up in 6 hours for work.  It was a weird day today.   It looks like we won't be seeing August in Arizona, considering the doctor wants us (well, David rather) here another month.  I was shocked when I heard her say it and earlier, I used the word disappointed, which I now feel guilty for feeling.  Intellectually, I know it's better that we stay until the transplant team is 100% confident in letting David go home.  Emotionally though...I was bummed.

I was hoping to be home for several reasons.  One reason being work.  I know I was inspired in my "When I was 17..." post a few days ago and went on and on about living your dreams...and I do feel that way...but, in reality, I need my job.  The truth is, just letting myself think of one day giving up my stable, reliable job to live like an artsy dreamer, is more than I've done in almost a year and a I guess it's a start. However, being the only one working and having a mortgage, car payment and thousands of dollars in medications to pay...I'll say it again...I need my job.  Of course aside from the obvious reasons, like seeing my family, particularly my almost 2 year old nephew, another reason I wanted to be home by August was for the Brandi Carlile concert at the Rialto in Tucson on August 19th.  I absolutely love her music.  She's an amazing singer-songwriter and I have seen her the past 2 years at the Rialto and was so excited to see her again this year...but  that's not going to happen.  Also, my sister, Ginger's birthday is coming up on the 12th.  I guess it will be another party this year without Tootsie Tillie Cupcakes. And lastly, one of the reasons I was hoping to be home sooner is that we really want to let David's aunt and uncle get back into their normal lives without having permanent house guests in the middle of everything.  They really made this all possible and and we can never repay them for all they have done.  No amount of thanks will ever do justice to their graciousness.  The news of "another month" couldn't have been easy on them today and we will be forever grateful for them sticking this out with us. 

Today, after talking with a lot of different people, including doctors, coworkers, family, friends and each other, I must say that there are some people who will always bring you down for the purpose of wanting to see you fall.....BUT, there are some people who, even with just the simplest words of support, will absolutely give you the strength you need to block out all the ignorance and selfishness and get you through, yet another day.

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